Mispronouncing names on purpose, a rant.
Written by: Vicki Shepard
December 3, 2022
3 min read
When I was attending classes in my undergraduate studies I can vividly remember that several professors and teaching assistants would purposely mispronounce their student’s names in class to first make sure that 1. the student was present, but 2. to secretly record how to correctly pronounce their name. I am talking before the semester really begins. In the very first class the professor would state “I am going to call out your name and will get it wrong, I apologize in advance.” What this reads to the person/student is “I don’t care enough to try and get the name correct and you and your name mean nothing to me.”
Shitty person. That is a shitty person right there.
While I can sympathize with some of these students, my name is generally common and most people can pronounce it. But I still feel for those students, because it sucks. I am also a generally unafraid person (re: argumentative at times) and let me tell you if a teacher were to mispronounce my name in class on purpose (the class that I am literally spending thousands of my own dollars on) I have no fear of calling that teacher out to make sure they get it right the next time.
This memory of professors and teachers never went away because it happened in most of my classes, which is a really sad thought. We are all adults in these classes, and we have the ability to lower our ego so that we can make sure we are talking with others at an adult level.
A person’s name is everything, and to purposely get it incorrect because you can’t ask the person how to pronounce their name is shitty. Yes you are a shitty person, I said it.
I was recently on a call with a vendor and one of the managers stopped to ask which name I prefer to use, my full name or my nickname, and how I would prefer to spell it. I told him and it felt really good, I even thanked him for the effort. The fact that he asked means that he cares enough to know that the power of a name can really affect how a person feels. I get that the vendor wants to be on good terms to take our money (lol), but it really did make an impact, and I respect his effort. I mean that was several months ago and I still remember it, mostly because it is so rare that someone even asks.
Most of my life, even to this current day, nearly everyone either calls me by my full length given name or they spell my name incorrectly. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this is a purposeful action, but it is annoying especially when I tell them how I like to be called and they continue to NOT call me that. Officially I am Victoria, but I refer to myself as Vicki. Most often people spell my name as Vickie or Viky or Vicky.
I get that this is trivial and really it doesn’t bother me most of the time, probably because I have been dealing with it since I was born. As long as you call me either name I generally don’t care.
I have had recruiters refer to me as Victoria and ask if that was okay, and most of the time I laugh it off and say that is the name my mother uses when I am in trouble. However, I do remember a few instances where I have been called Veronica or even Nicky (once was by an executive too). Having someone you work with closely call you a completely different name is ignorant and disrespectful. When I corrected them I sent an Office meme and laughed it off with a joke that they needed more coffee that day.
But truthfully it hurt and made me think differently about that person.
Recently one of the LinkedIn influencers that I follow wrote a post about the power of a name and the value that your correct pronunciation can mean to you:
WOW. My ears just perked up and I am listening. Also, how can I take a class with this instructor?
This LI Influencer feels valued, confident, and happy when someone get’s her name correct, and I can sympathize with that. Imagine if someone you met was mispronouncing your name and you knew it but never said anything? You know that is not what you want to be called and yet you allow that person to continue calling you by the wrong name. You are essentially giving power to that person and are more worried about their feelings over your own.
It makes me sad and honestly furious to think that this happens.
When I think back to those professors who would purposely mispronounce their student names, I question why I never said anything to the professor? Why didn’t I call them out on this idoitic thing they were doing? And honestly, the only reason I can think of is that I was too privileged to say anything. I felt like that is their business, not mine and I didn’t want to put myself in their business. But isn’t getting a name correct everyone’s business, especially when you are taking a class with hundreds of people? You could chalk it up to the decade in which I took undergrad classes (yes I feel old and no I won’t tell you the years), but at this point I am just making excuses for my inaction.
You know what this is starting to remind me of? Trans people and their name changes. And even calling someone by their preferred pronouns.
People are people.
And I feel like the community that would especially relate to this is the trans community. Imagine if you were to change your gendered name and people chose to still call you by your dead name? It takes some balls to do that, and frankly I don’t want to know you if you choose to. Your name is who you are, to get that wrong on purpose is beyond disrespectful and degrading.
As an aside, I follow this trans TikTok influencer and he (prefered pronouns: he/him/his) told a story about how he went to the ER and after they made him fill out all this paperwork, in which he used his new name and filled in his social security number, when they called him to go back and see a doctor, they used his dead name. He was furious. And what was he supposed to do, he needed to see a doctor in the ER? He didn’t want to acknowledge that name because it is no longer his name; it is no longer who we identified as. He didn’t write that name down anywhere on the paperwork, so the only way in which they could have gotten that name was by looking up his identity and purposely calling him by the wrong name. Shitty person; that nurse or whatever she was, is a shitty person.
Call people by the name they use. Ask people how to pronounce their name. Ask people how to spell their name.
Doing those small things will go
Because this is an HR blog, I am feeling the need to comment on this topic from an HR perspective.
If you are in recruiting or talent acquisition, the ability to talk with someone and be able to pronounce their name correctly can make a huge difference when trying to get that candidate to be interested in your company. From the opposite view, if an applicant were to be asked how their name is pronounced, I can tell you that their loyalty will begin at that moment.
If you are a manager or leader, making space to be able to acknowledge others by their name is a huge win for retention and holding that value from your workforce. You will have employees that are more dedicated to you and the company because they can see that you genuinely care for the employees who work there.
I also want to point out the legality of not using preferred names and pronouns.
According to the EEOC:
“In Bostock v. Clayton County, Georgia, No. 17-1618 (S. Ct. June 15, 2020),[1] the Supreme Court held that firing individuals because of their sexual orientation or transgender status violates Title VII’s prohibition on discrimination because of sex.”
This includes misgendering names and continual use of the incorrect names and pronouns. The EEOC identifies that “accidental misuse of a transgender employee’s preferred name and pronouns does not violate Title VII, intentionally and repeatedly using the wrong name and pronouns to refer to a transgender employee could contribute to an unlawful hostile work environment.”
In case you are unaware, a hostile work environment is in direct violation of the EEOC and is considered to have legal consequences including fines, lawsuit, back-pay, and HUGE public relations issues.
Similarly, teasing and off-handed comments are not necessarily considered harassment, but when it is “frequent” and/or “severe,” it creates a hostile work environment or results in adverse employment action (i.e. discipline, firing, demoting). Not only does this include the obvious managers and supervisors, but this would also include client customers.
Basically, use the preferred names and pronouns.
Have you ever had someone mispronounce your name? Did they do it on purpose? How did you handle it? Did you correct them or let it slide? Would you correct them going forward? What are your thoughts on the power of names?
Don’t violate the law, -LBHR